And again, not personally, I'm sure I'll be exhausted until the day I die. But much like imposter syndrome, I feel like burnout has become one of those panacea phrases of neoliberalism where we're treating the symptom and not the disease.
Every day I see another Reddit thread, Facebook post, TikTok, tweet, or even full news article about burnout and how to deal with it. Everyone is giving more than they receive and the answer is always...mindfulness? Deep breathing? A gratitude journal? You'll have to excuse my indignation but burnout doesn't put me in a grateful mood and journaling is just one more task for the endless to-do list.
I refuse to accept this notion that burnout is a personal failure. And we do think of burnout as failure - don't be deceived by all the shiny mental health awareness posts and helpful little emails from your employer. Your school and workplace don't give a rat's ass about your wellbeing, they just don't want to be liable for your suicide - or worse yet your budding desire to unionize.
I've recently entered a stage of burnout (or rather what I assume is burnout) where I don't even feel tired - I'm just numb. I don't feel especially stressed or motivated. I'm just sort of stuck in a state of heavy boredom. I don't even want to do fun things like play video games or do my makeup. I don't even want to sleep. I just want to sit here and wait. I'm not even sure what I'm waiting for. Freedom? Punishment? Death? It's like an endless restlessness that nothing can resolve.
The issue is that no amount of rest will really resolve anything because the work never goes away. A day off just means twice as many emails tomorrow. The longer you're away the more the guilt and dread build up because you know that you'll have to work twice as hard once you're back.
I don't want to resolve my burnout, I want capitalism to end so I can be free. That's how I feel on days when I don't want to die anyway.
